1 Chicken
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While even the poshest beef crisp never tastes any finer than licking the underside of a 12-year-old squat sofa cushion, the chicken’s little better. Choosing between the two is like a game of would you rather between Dapper Laughs and Peter Stringfellow. Obviously you’d go for Stringy but you wouldn’t be too chuffed about it.
2Ham and mustard
When will they learn? Meat flavours + crisps = all the success of Paris Hilton’s singing career. The afterburn of the mustard is particularly unwelcome.
3BBQ
Exactly as satisfying as the real version. Ie seems like a great idea beforehand, then it either rains or you get burnt, and half the guests get food poisoning from that chicken you blackened on the outside but left bloody within.
4Marmite
Love it or hate it, it doesn’t quite work as a crisp. Marmite cheese and biscuits on the other hand, now there’s a combo.
5Bacon
The exception to the meat crisp rule or, rather, the lesser of the evils. Always a bit embarrassed of telling people who his relatives are.
6Paprika
That girl you’re really close to at work because you’re the only two people who aren’t tedious morons but who you know, deep down, you won’t see again once you leave.
7Tomato ketchup
Like when you found out Guns’n’Roses were making a comeback then actually heard Chinese Democracy.
8Plain
Your boyfriend once asked if you could try it doggy style and you didn’t talk to him for a week.
9Pickled onion
Fun fact: the phrase ‘tickle your pickle’ originally referred to a packet of pickled onion Monster Munch.
10Prawn cocktail
Your secret crisp bit on the side. Glamorous and exciting but too much for every day.
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10 British crisp flavours ranked from worst to best
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